Barbara Gordon MAT, MSW, LCSW Barbara is Temple Habonim's part time social worker funded by the Kesher Program, a joint project of the Jewish Federation of Rhode Island, the Bernhardt Foundation, Jewish Family Service, and the synagogue.
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Parenting Advice That Works! I remember when my now-teenaged twins were small. I worked so hard to parent them well, showing them loads of love and respect and making parenting choices that I thought were in their best interests. But something was amiss. With the best of intentions, I was parenting the boys in ways that seemed right, but that in effect made things more difficult for all of us. And then I read Wendy Mogel's book, The Blessing of a Skinned Knee . To say that the book changed my family's life would be overly dramatic, but without doubt it helped me make different choices in what I expected of my children and how I responded to their needs and behavior. Parenting became less stressful and my boys became better people. Though Mogel bases her advice on traditional Jewish teachings, you don't have to be Jewish to appreciate the wisdom of the teachings or to discover new approaches to parenting that will benefit your entire family. After years as a child psychologist, Mogel came to believe that much of the stress in modern homes comes from children feeling both a continual pressure to succeed and their unconscious recognition that they are the center of their parents' lives. While placing high expectations on our children, we unwittingly don't encourage in them the skills and personality traits that will help them grow into capable, caring, and ethical adults who thrive in their lives. As Mogel explains, the rules of Jewish child-rearing "are not primarily about making children feel good, but about making children into good people" (Mogel, 36). Mogel breaks these rules down into nine areas that may seem obvious, but on closer reading most parents find an emphasis that is not common in modern parenting. I believe you will find the rules inspiring and, most important of all, effective . The areas are:
(it is, after all, a book based on traditional Jewish teachings!). A last note: one of the best things about this book is its readability for any parent who is usually rushing from one thing to the next. Mogel breaks each of these nine areas down into segments that are 3 pages or less. I remember reading a bit while I was waiting to pick my guys up from first grade, while I wolfed down my lunch between appointments, while I was waiting for the pasta to cook, and in the 5 minutes before I fell asleep at night. I encourage Habonim families to pick up a copy and start reading! Mogel, Wendy. The Blessing of a Skinned Knee . New York: Scribner. 2001. (note: there is a 2008 paperback edition)
Barbara J. Gordon, LCSW 401-338-7861
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